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She pushed the young coach onto the floor before standing over him with her pussy spread.”I have a proposition for you, coach” she said rather defiantly. “This is yours, if you let Tyler play a little bit.”Lyle didn’t answer right away, being caught off guard by the blackmail. He just sat on his back, stroking his cock while Colleen towered over him, rubbing herself. “Maybe this will convince you.” Colleen squatted over the young guy and started peeing on his cock. The wide-eyed coach seemed to like the golden shower, as his tiny penis began to come back to life. Colleen slithered up closer to Lyle’s head and put her dripping crotch inches from his face. Lyle stuck his tongue out in a futile attempt to lick her huge wet pussy lips, that were just out of reach.”You want more of this? Lick me and I’ll give you more.”She lowered her damp pussy onto his face, where Lyle eagerly began eating my sister’s wet pussy. Golden liquid started streaming down his cheeks as Colleen tilted her head. Write those same words down and there’s a good chance that a previously comprehensible sentence will become confusing as hell. Unfortunately, when you read back your own words it’s tough not to ‘hear’ the emphasis you intended, so unless you’re very careful you can end up with text that reads just fine to you, while leaving other people scratching their heads. An important part of the art of writing, then, is making it completely clear what you mean using text alone. In my opinion, that’s the main trick you should be looking to pull work to turn your first draft into a polished story.To start with, take things a sentence at a time, then move on to looking at how sentences work with each other, and finally to do a paragraph-level analysis. I think the following checklist provides a good starting point for critiquing any unit of writing you’re examining:Can it be clearer?Can it be simpler?Can it be shorter?If the answer to any of these questions is ‘yes’, then it doesn’t immediately.
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